What are you afraid to write?
Try this exercise
“I feel totally curious and alive and in control.
And almost … magnificent, when I write.”
—Toni Morrison
Dear Friend,
Over the years, I’ve come to believe that one of the most important things a writer can have is a safe space to write.
Not just a physical space—though that matters too—but an emotional and energetic space. A space where you’re not performing. Where your inner critic doesn’t run the show. Where your most profound truths are welcome, even the ones you didn’t know were there. Even the ones you’re most ashamed of. A space where you’re free to explore and express yourself fully.
This is important for writers because in everyday life, we’re often not free to express ourselves. So much is left out of polite conversation. We’re afraid of conflict. Of upsetting others, of being unkind. Of hurting people’s feelings. Many of us care too much about what others think. Some of us are people-pleasers. Most of us want to be liked, respected, and loved.
When emotional and energetic hesitancy follow you to the page, try this exercise:
On the top of a new page in your journal (or a piece of paper if you don’t have a journal), write “Things I’m Afraid to Write.” Number your page from one to twenty. Set a timer for five minutes. Write a list as fast as you can without thinking.
Look over your list. Some of your responses might include:
1. A person or relationship (you don’t want to hurt your loved one)
2. Politics (that messy den of division)
3. Your sex life
4. Intimacy
5. Loss
6. An illness
7. A rejection or failure
8. God
9. Your finances/Money
10. Death
11. Your body
12. An embarrassing moment
13. Your flaws
14. An emotional truth that may not be true outside of your head. (For example: inner critic voices that say things like I don’t matter and nothing I do will matter. Or all love is conditional.)
On a new piece of paper, in large capital letters, write PERMISSION GRANTED. And LISTEN. Imagine you are holding space for your best friend who needs to get something off their chest. Listen with compassion. Set your judgments aside and maintain a loving space—for yourself.
Choose one topic on your list—it doesn’t matter which one—set a timer for twenty minutes and write as fast as you can without thinking or stopping. Let your thoughts flow onto the page. Let them be messy. This bypasses the inner critic.
Writing can be a healthy release and an excellent way to process your thoughts and emotions. I often have no idea what’s going on inside my heart and mind until I sit down to write in my journal. Plus, it feels good! No, better than good. It’s life-affirming, blissful, divine.
When we write past our fear of exposing ourselves, it’s a gift not only to ourselves but to others. They can feel it.
Courage is contagious.
If you want to write, read. It will help you collect courage from writers who journey into the deepest parts of themselves and return with something fresh and bold.
Sarah Kay’s poem, “To Whoever Broke into the Rental Car & Stole My Vibrator,” is a brilliant and entertaining example.
Writing begets writing.
When we feel safe and stop censoring ourselves, when we drop our defenses, we allow what wants to be expressed through us to come.
This is a healing process.
Writing isn’t always easy. But when you have a safe space to wander, your journey may become transformational.
Whether you’re a beginner or a seasoned writer, the invitation is the same: come as you are. Be real. Be raw. Be brave.
And lead with your heart.
The sky is vast, and so are you!
Keep flying, friend.
Blessings,
Bella
Writing Community News
I was thrilled to celebrate my friend Lorraine Devon Wilke’s new book, Chick Singer at The Book Jewel bookstore in L.A. last Saturday night! Lorraine sparkled! And her book is a gem, too. It was nice to see Vicki DeArmon, publisher of Sibylline Press, (she publishes women authors over 50), and author of Foghorn: The Nearly True Story of a Small Publishing Empire, there supporting one of her authors.
I posted more images on my Facebook profile.
Bella’s Publishing News
I’m delighted to share that my memoir excerpt, “A Writer in the Family,” will be published this month (August 14) in the beautiful Tangled Locks Journal, edited by Teresa Berkowitz. This story haunted me for decades so it’s especially sweet knowing it will soon be in print. Link coming in my next post/newsletter!
Bella,
Wow, what a fantastic writing exercise! I have been noticing specific topics I have been terrified to write about, except in my journals, and after reading this today, I plan to print off what you wrote and take some time after my kids return to school this week to devote to this type of inner work. I think I'm ready. I just don't know what will emerge, and that can be what's most terrifying for me.
Congrats on your publication, too!